I grew up in what would later be considered the Holiness Movement. My grandfather was a holiness preacher. He used to take a tent and travel all around the United States, preaching about hellfire and brimstone. “Live a holy life, or you won't see the Lord.” I understood holiness in the sense of “I want to live above sin. I want to pursue Christ. I want to read my Bible. I want to pray, go to church and go on missions trips.” Those fit in my category of holy, but my life wasn't whole.
My friend Tim Dilena was preaching with me at a conference, and he told all of us pastors, “Hold up one hand. Now list your five closest friends. People that you could count on; you have true devotion to one another, and you're pursuing one another, and you know each other's stuff.”
I raised my hand, and I listed off my five real quick. Then Tim added, “But they can't be your wife or your kids.” I thought, “Oh, no.” My five were gone. I tried it again; I got to the third one, and I was questioning four and five. I was thinking, “No, they're coworkers or acquaintances. They're a pastor in another city, but they're not really my close friends.” It hit me at the core.
I'm holy in the sense of loving Jesus and praying, but I'm not whole in the sense of made complete in Christ by his body the church. “Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Thessalonians 5:23, ESV). It’s something that goes beyond “Read your Bible. Pray.” Belonging to a small group is not necessarily having friends. You can hide in a small group almost as well as you can hide in a mega church. I was a pastor of a near mega church, but I couldn't count five really close friends on one hand.
It's unhealthy to not have friendship. After my friend’s sermon, I began to see my need for a whole and holy life. That realization changed my whole life and my ministry. Today, pray about an area in your life where God wants to bring wholeness in addition to holiness, whether it’s with friendships or in some other area.