God begins the process of surrender by knocking us off our high horse. This literally happened to Paul. He was going his self-assured way, riding toward Damascus, when a blinding light came from heaven. “He fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?’” (Acts 9:4, NKJV).
Paul knew something was missing in his life. He had a knowledge of God but no firsthand revelation. Now on his knees, he heard these words from heaven: “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. It is hard for you to kick against the goads” (Acts 9:5). The words turned Paul’s world upside down. Scripture says, “He, trembling and astonished, said, ‘Lord, what do you want me to do?’” (Acts 9:6). Paul’s conversion was a dramatic work of the Holy Spirit.
Paul was being led by the Holy Spirit into the surrendered life. He had no other ambition, no other driving force than this new life. “Indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:8).
By today’s standards of success, Paul was a total failure. He didn’t construct any buildings. He didn’t have an organization. The methods he used were despised by other leaders. In fact, the message Paul preached offended large numbers of his hearers. At times, he was even stoned for preaching it.
When we stand before God at the judgment, we won’t be judged by our ministries, achievements or number of converts. There will be but one measure of success on that day. Were our hearts fully surrendered to God? Did we lay aside our own will and agenda and take up his? Did we succumb to peer pressure and follow the crowd, or did we seek him alone for direction? Did we run from seminar to seminar looking for purpose in life, or did we find our fulfillment in him?
I have but one ambition, and that is to learn more and more to say only those things the Father gives me. Nothing I say or do of myself is worth anything. I want to be able to claim, “I know my Father is with me because I do only his will.”