Where Were You When I Was Hurting?

I'm going to talk to you about "Where Were You When I was Hurting?" Because these are the questions that many people have about God, friends, family. This is the worry that we all have about what's happening, this is the pain of divorce or separation. This is the pains of people that they're losing, little by little the sights of who they are because someway, somehow, somebody in the family is messed up, it's a mess. It is a situation for people that have to understand that this thing happened. You're never going to walk away from pain because pain started in the beginning of the Bible. All over the Bible, you can see the greatest men ever suffer, been hurt and if you think that you're never going to hurt, you might be hurt by your own family, by your own mom, dad or by your own children. You might feel sometime that you're holding things in your heart and your life that you need to get it out because you're hurting so much. If the walls could talk they can say everything about who you are. [inaudible] that can tell you how much pain, sorrow you're going through in your life.

Life is not easy and sometime unfair. So many questions about life that we have. Why this thing happen to me? He didn't answer my prayer when I was broken and I was lay flat, he seen eternity in my life. There are people who want to do the right thing and to be good but there are people that are bad and evil and all of those things. They end up doing the wrong things and there's people that they have lost convictions in their life and that is dangerous, especially when you know Christ as your personal Savior. It never was promised to us in our life that we are never going to go without trial, testing and suffering. We are promised one thing, that God, who want to walk beside us, he want to walk beside us during those difficult times.

I have to mention something here that I just wrote. I got to mention and Karen, the secretary, I just did it Friday. I was thinking about the Wilkerson family and there's a closeness here because Dave, and excuse me if I call him Dave but I always have call him Dave. I never call him brother David. I never call him Reverend David. I never call him Pastor David. I never call him Prophet David. I never call him, what do you call it? Apostle. He hate that. Don't you ever tell him that he's Apostle. But I saw the life of Dave in different dimensions. I saw the life of Wilkerson suffering a lot. And yes, standing in that pulpit and preach, prophesied, and many things that came to life. He wrote one of the book that the people really lost lots of ministers. Hurt him when he wrote the book Vision. All his friends, many of friends walk away from him when he was hurting. But he have a spiritual son that was there beside him, for him. I love you. And sometimes, you have to understand why Dave was in that kind of situation.

Gary, Pastor Gary. Gary nephew die of cancer not too long ago. I watched Bonnie and still moaning and groaning, it's not easy when pain is involved. Gary niece die at the age of 12 years old in the arm of his grandfather, David Wilkerson. And when you began to go deep, then look at Mrs. Wilkerson, Gwen. I don't know, she inspired me, she called me son. She knew the sacrifice that her husband did to come to New York, pregnant, holding her stomach and why she was holding there, this big giant son.

Yeah, pain was real. Pain was there. And when things like this happen, then what you going to do? To who you going to turn? Who going to comfort you? Who going to help you? Who going to bring back the things that you have lost? Who going to be there when nobody going to be there? How, why, how long, strong your faith is? Do you really believe that Jesus Christ is a personal Savior? Do you believe that he's part of your life, your everyday life? Do you believe, regardless of your mistake in this life that God never going to forget you. He never forsake you, he's never going to leave you there. You are something special for Him. And this is what sometimes I don't understand.

I'm going through a situation right now. My youngest daughter, she's going to be divorced. I was so busy that I had to slow down, take six days, just came in from California to be with my daughter, to be with my four grandchildren that she have and she has twins. Two years old. And when I had to say goodbye and my wife had to say goodbye, so I can come and preach for you, how you feel with my granddaughter? Beautiful. Living in California, which is another nation. When I step out of the car, she run and she grab me so tight. She lay her head on my chest and she was moaning and groaning saying, "Papa, don't go, please. Don't leave us." She grabbed Gloria and what you think right now, you can hear the echo, pain, coming out from her.

But I look at Psalm, Chapter 25, Verse 16, 18. This can give you the picture, what we all going through and I have to do it. How to express ourself, how to be honest with ourself, how to be sincere when he say, turn to me, excuse me. I never cry when I was in the gang and now I'm a crybaby. Oh my goodness, that was hard. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiply, free me from my anguish, look up on my afflictions and my distress and take away all my sin. Take away all my sin. It's checking the list in your life. Where I went wrong and where I can do right.

This is what David wrote in situations, mistake that he commit and things that he never did but he were persecuted. They want to kill him. His own son want to kill him. He saw so many things. And David, King David was in that awkward situation, he cry out with anxiety and despair. He felt abandoned. He felt hopeless. This is what made me think, he felt ignored. This is a man who have a relationship since he was a little boy. The only thing that he knew, he was been in the open field just having a good talk with his Creator, writing to him, became a great poet and here he's giving us how we feel. If you think that because my position as an Evangelist, because I have one message, I don't have many messages, I have just one message and it's Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, to preach Jesus Christ all over the world.

There are two things in life that we all are afraid. We are afraid of loneliness and being unwanted. The Webster dictionary say it that loneliness mean to feel isolated, without companions, a feeling of desolation. Let me tell you, something that I never knew. The day when I came for the first time to church, because I wasn't born in a church, I was born in the rat hole of witchcraft. The name of Jesus never was mentioned until Dave Wilkerson came in and walk in to our turf. We went to this place, we didn't know where we was going, for the biggest surprise to find out that that was a religious service. We thought that we were going to start dancing and all of this thing and wow and smoke some grass, go down stairs and, you know, get little high and then open your shirt and let two hair on your chest be showing and all of these things. And I went over there and I want to make this confessions for many of you, I was innocent. I was innocent of one thing, I was innocent that I didn't know who Jesus Christ was. I was innocent that I didn't know that he died for my sin. I was innocent that he's grace is enough, I was innocent that forgiveness is the power that can really kiss our heart and our pain because I didn't know who Jesus Christ was. I wasn't innocent about evil.

One of the biggest and the most desperate cry in the entire Holy Bible is from Jesus Christ himself. This is where you will see his humanity. In Matthew Chapter 27:46. This is what came out from every emotions, everything from his soul, from Jesus Christ. The biggest cry in all of the Bible. About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani? My God, my God, why you have forsaken me?” If this is not pain, what the heck is pain? Are you a dreamer? Knowing that dream never die but you will die. Dreaming not die but the dreamer do. This is serious. This is what He felt. This is a Jesus Christ, this is where he showed his humanity. This is what it's all about. But in Psalm 22, again, offer hope. He assure us that God is acquainted with our suffering, no matter how horrible it is. He is with us, even when we feel most forsaken. Why? Because he is the God who has known us from before our birth. That sounds weird. I know where God know me.

How many witches have given birth childs and God know their name? My real name is Nicholas. It sounds more sophisticated than Nicky. But my real name is Nicholas. Why? Because my mother put her finger into the calendar and there is the 6th of December. I don't want to tell you my age because that's not your business. The 6th December. And you know what the 6th December say? Saint Nicholas. I'm supposed to be a Saint. I supposed to be a Saint. This is what the Bible say in Psalm 22, 9 and 10. Yet you brought me out of the womb, you made me trust in you; even in my mother breast. From birth I was cast up on you; from my mother womb you have been my God. From my mother's wombs, you have been my God. This is the unique power of the Christian message. That God knows personally and intimately, he knows you, he know me. Beside my wife, she know me. And she's still in love with me because I'm still irresistible and always will be irresistible and I die irresistible forever and ever, Amen.

Other religions might affirm that God as the Creator and the ultimate ruler of the world but the God of the Bible is personal. He knows better than we know ourself. Even though we might feel abandoned, the fact that he never forget us. He's conscious of our sorrow and our grief. Hebrews Chapter 11, Verse, when I'm quoting Bible, most of the time I quote two or three verses. Hebrews Chapter 11, 36 to 38. Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskin and goatskin, destitute, persecuted and mistreated. The world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in the hole in the ground. And when you begun to think that we are not going a little slightly where these people went. They were willing to die. Look at the disciple, what Pastor Gary just said very clear, the way or where the country that the Apostle died, they die for a cause because they believe, they suffer. If you think that you never going to suffer, you come from another planet. You come from the place that I don't know where it is. Probably the Twilight Zone.

Let me put it this way. David acknowledged God. He said one thing that I want to share that you protect yourself. This is the word of David. Guard me. Guard my life and rescued me. Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. My integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.

And let me tell you something that loneliness have a face. Loneliness have a face. And if you cheating yourself, it because you put yourself in that position. If you try to rationalize, rational everything, to try to excuse your wrongdoing, you are falling in a hole. If you think that everything is La La Land. Go ahead and start singing all your life because you're not. We have been afflicted. It's like a storm that is seemed like it's getting worse. Christianity instead to be getting strong, we getting weak. Instead of give witnesses to other, we are afraid to be rejected, or being laughed at. All of this thing that you never want to be. You want to be Miss and Mrs Perfect or Mr Perfect. You want to think that we never as a minister have problem? Yes, we have a problem. Gary went through a lot of problem but God came through and he became an over winner. This is all we going to have to go. We have to go through pain. We have to go through pain. We have to see things that we hate to see. We want close our eyes but no our eyes are open to the reality that this is life.

Oh, I remember those days, marijuana, if you was marijuana, that was the worst thing that you can do. Then things began to change. In the 60s and all that. Heroin became very strong and it was cheap heroin. Then, again, in the 80s, there cocaine. Then they all kinds of drugs that I'm not going to spend my time because you know it, many drugs today and they are killing us. This is not a problem of the ghetto anymore. This is not a problem of the poor anymore. This is the problem of the middle class, the upper middle class, the richest of richest. This is a epidemic. A small country, a small city, they are crying out, help. This is moving all over. Sweeping all over. And you know where the problem is? That many people got hooked in prescription drugs. When a pill you can get in the street for almost nothing, painkiller, opium, then you can get it now because the things getting hard and harder, now the doctors are now we are preoccupied that this is a serious problem, one pill costs $80. Why is this? Because something is wrong with our soul. Something is wrong with our life. Something is not right. This mean that there is something that is hurting deep in your soul and your soul is crying out for satisfaction, for lust, for everything that it can grab. This is the things that we got to understand that prescription drugs is the biggest problem in United States and is reaching the highest to the lowest. People are hurting.

Where are you? Where are your questions? I tell you I still have a lot of friends. I can open myself to friend and tell them how I feel. I don't have no problem but I would never trust a gossiper. Many time we Christian, someway, somehow, we resist satisfaction and just not only kill the person but step on and step on and never forgive and never forget. Well, let me tell something, that's not my style. I prefer that God take me home. Because I believe that every soul is so important in the eyes of God. I believe that we all commit mistake and I am not justifying mistake. But if you began to question, there's a God, he's never going to forsake you. He never going to leave you. He going to be right there with you, in the good time, in the bad time. When you have nothing and when you have plenty. God never, never going to forsake you. He will be there. He will protect you. He will supply all your needs. He's the God that love you and given us Jesus Christ. I'm here and I thank God. That many people think, they ever thought, Nicky never going to make it. I don't know if Dave Wilkerson thought that. I don't think so. Not after the chance that he took that almost got killed.

But I'm going to tell you something, people have took advantage of me. I preach to 7,000 people. I had a little center when I had 17 children that I pick off of the streets, their mother the prostitute, their father in prison and they have nobody. So, The Cross and the Switchblade came in and then I began to go all over, then the book Run Baby Run, both became instantly bestseller in New York Time. But how do you feel when you speak to 7,000 businessmen and when they give you a cheque for $100. To who you going to turn? To who you going to go when you have to feed 17 children. That they don't know in this world that we were suffering but God is a God of justice and God never forsake us like always and that's words going to stay in your mind and your heart, either whatever you're going through, you in different teenagers that many time you don't understand the pit hole that is in front of you and sometimes we are nothing but a spoiled little brat, that we take everything for granted. We take everything for granted. We're spoiled. We want everything. You, are the best in technology, you can tell everything, you can say so many, I don't know how, so many new things in technology that I will be living in the day of Noah. But God is a God of technology.

Let me tell you, to finish, God knows and let you know when people are suffering, when people are hurting. God have been there for me many time over and over and he will be until the day I die.

A lot of people thought when I got married, you know what Dr. Goodman told me, a psychiatrist in the criminal court of Brooklyn, lost so many thousands of dollar to try to straighten me out. Thousands and thousands, to tell me that I was walking straight to the electric chair in hell and I'm never, I'm never, there's no hope, that I'm never going to change.

Do research about all these guy that have been bad, people that have gone different direction. I'm standing here to tell you that in marriage you go through all kinds of things. When Gloria married me, she took a chance, she took a risk. I can backslide anytime, she would left with our children right there, lonely, completely alone. But the God of protection, the God who love Nicky Cruz, never leave me, He never have forsaken me and then the people that thought that this Dr. Goodman told me, you can never be a father because you are capable to hurt your children. This is what he told me. Because that's the way you are and that's the way you going to be. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. No. No. No. No. No. No. God gave me a girl, in a place that we should be. In the place of fellowship. God gave me a girl in Bible school. And you know, she fall in love. And I fall in love. And we have four children. Girls. Ten grandchildren. Let me tell you Jesus, I thank you because you are all our life, our marriage, our everything. In good time, in bad time, you have been faithful my Jesus. And let me tell you, we have been married for 54 years and we still in love.

Mary. Mary. Mary. Mary. In the clock, I'm looking, 11, 11. Mary. How I can forget Mary? I was a teenager, listen to me teenagers. I was a teenager. I was in the gang. She knew what I was doing. The total neighborhood. The total New York and the gangs. I have a this little place, with one table and two chair, small bed. I used to pay $15 a week but I have to steal the money and I never went broke. I notice sometime when I used to come, I used to sleep, about 3 o'clock in the morning, that's how my life was, sometime came high. And here is an old lady, about 80 or 82 years old. Here is a wall and there's a boy, 16, 17 years old, there was a wall that separate us, that lady, that old lady, she was hurting, something strange happen every time about 3 o'clock in the morning, that the sounds of pains and affliction came through the walls and I hear her moaning and groaning so loud, crying so loud. I used to get upset and I used to hit that wall, lot's of times I was bleeding and I hit that wall with hate, anger, screaming, "shut up!" And I used to put my hands on my ear because I don't want to hear her. Why this old lady have to be crying exactly at this time? Well, I went and I knocked the door and I was going to break the door, I'm going to kill you, I cannot sleep, you always crying, what is your problem? I took three of the guys and I break in and I stole, we search under the mattress, there was about $282, something like that. I took it in my hands, I was walking around the room and there's a picture and you know what, I took the picture and I look at the picture and I was just a young kid, there's a gentleman, tall, with a hat, there's two boy beside her, one beside him and one beside her and there's a pretty blue eyes lady, the picture was getting faded away. I put the picture back and I took the money. Six week later, I got converted. Almost got killed twice and Dave thought that the best way to put me in the airplane and send me to California. I went to Upstate New York and I was in the front page because they don't want me in the city because I was from New York, I was from the gangs, Dave had to come and rescue me again. I went to Bible school. One of my three month of vacation, my first year, because I had to go for three years more. People from all over United States, they've read the story of my life and then began to send money and I didn't know what to do with the money in Bible school so I told the Superintendent to put that money aside. I flew to New York to help Dave. Then he had no Teen Challenge. But in my heart, I have this lady. She haunt me when I was in Bible school. I pray for her.

I came to the same place that I used to live. I went to the third floor and I knocked the door, I heard her, when I mention her name, "Mary, Mary. This is Nicky. Open up, Mary." "Get away from me. You're a killer. You're a thief." Mary, open up. I got the money to give for you." "No." And for five minutes, I was arguing with her. "No, I am not going to open the door. You bad." I said, "No. I am no more. I've changed. You've never seen me running the street again. I went away. Open up." "No!" Then, the gang-buster got in, "If you don't open that door, I'm going to break that door! Do you understand? You don't want me to get mad!" And you know what, it work. And you know, in New York City, you've got to be in New York City in those area that put some many chains to protect themself, she got about five. And then she have a big bar to protect her and you can see the. And, she opened the door, there's Mary. "Mary, I came over here to give you something. I was the one who stole that money from you. I want to give you back your money, Mary." She said, "No, I don't want it." I said, "Yes, you're going to get this money. It's yours." "No." I said, "Mary, when I stole that money, I was on the other side, there was two policemen, why didn't you told those two policemen that I was the one because I told you I did it. And you didn't. Why?" You know what she told me that broke me? "Regardless if you was bad, I know that nobody going to hurt me, that you would protect me." She was right. "Mary, this is your money and you going to get it." And I grab her hands and I put the money, I close the fist, this is your money. And when I reach, then it hit me. Now I know the Bible, now I've been in Bible school, now I've had a lot of research and study and there's a number, there's a number. What about that picture Mary? That my husband, my two children, that there was gas in the concentration camp. I hate those Jews. I say, "Mary, that's a waste of energy. I came to tell you about Jesus." "Don't talk to me about Jesus." "Mary, I want to pray for you, okay?" And she say, "Okay." I mentioned the Messiah. I did everything for her to understand who changed me.

And then, me and Gloria, we went to see her, when I knocked the door, nobody. So, I went to the corner where I used to take my clothes and the lady told me Mary died. She died with pain. She died in anguish. She die of loneliness. She die of hate. She die of the past. She never give herself a chance. She never thought that there was a God that can see her pain. I could not help her because I was no good. But there is a God that He was there and I'm going to ask you right now, ask this question, where were you when you were hurting? Who were the one who helped you? Who was the one who took your hands? Who were the one who put their arm around and pray for you? To who you confess when your husband walk away from you or vice verse? To who you have gone and trust my children, they're messed up? I need help. To who people have come and say, "Help me. I'm getting caught up in drugs and I need help."?

You don't want to talk about your adultery or your fornications but you're hurting and I feel the pain in this place. I am no Clinton, I feel the pain of many of you and that the reason God gave me this message for you. And I'm here, hurting for you and I'm a human being but there's a divine Jesus that wants to help you. Okay? And those is the people I want here. Take that mask off of your face. Let a real smile come out. Let those eyes start shining, being bright. Bright again. Bring all your thought, all your doubt, because that what happens when you begun to get hurt. You begun to talk to God, "Where are you?" Because I'm hurting, I don't have faith, I doubt that you are there. You know what my grandson told me, 12 years old, Liam. Because this divorce, "I don't believe in Jesus anymore."

Shall we pray? Thank you. You guys come close to me, I don't want you to be apart either, 2,000 miles away. Come.

Pastor Gary that's the message that God gave me for the church. There was no publicity. I miss the sinners. You get out of your seat, come close. Got to have the guts...